The three things that matter most.

It takes more than just being willing to host parties to being good at community building. It has to do with the emotions that you bring to the table and the way in which you live your life. On my own journey, three things that I have found to be most important are:

Be vulnerable.

Through sharing your own experiences, you can facilitate opportunities to help people to grow beyond who they were when they walked in (to the conversation, to the event, to your life). This vulnerability allows you to create safe spaces for people to be themselves. That is truly when people shine.

Be thoughtful.

Take note to whom you’re speaking and the things that are important to them. The words we choose, the way we address people, and the decisions we make can highlight to someone that you are truly invested in them. Each time you go just a little bit above-and-beyond for someone you have the opportunity to make their day.

Be open.

Entering into conversations and relationships with open minds can lead to endless opportunities. Being open to new people, new ideas, new cultures, and new perspectives you’ yourself are able to grow, but more importantly, as a community builder you can help others feel seen and a sense of belonging. This gift can be priceless.

Photo by Tim Becker (2019) — Photo by *Tim Becker* *(2019)*

Hi, I’m Chrystina!

I hope you’re having a lovely day! Thanks so much for choosing to spend some time today on my site.

I’m originally from a small town in Connecticut, and now live in downtown Philadelphia. By day I manage large teams who help state and local governments recover from disasters using federal grant funding, and by night I host parties and events, send snail mail, craft, sing, and sometimes even relax. While relaxing is not my go-to, I will never say no to a rom-com, sitcom, or children’s show.

I have never met a personality test I didn’t like. I feel like there’s always something to learn and a new way to consider information. I’m an ESFJ, Enneagram 3W2, and I will talk about VIA Character Strengths and Clifton’s Strengths all day long.
Related Listen: Enneagram and Other Tests

My two values in life are community and efficiency, which although they don’t initially seem like they go together, can work together beautifully to help people realize that staying in touch doesn’t need to be hard. Use the systems you already have in place and make it work. I truly believe like everyone deserves to have a community of people in life in which they feel like they belong.

I married my husband in May 2020 and have documented some of the more useful parts of my wedding-planning journey here.

Fun Facts

My go-to beverage is an oat milk chai - preferably a spicy one, not spiced. My body doesn’t super love caffeine these days, but I haven’t been able to find a replacement yet. (The rooibos chais don’t quite have the same kick. Nor does any turmeric latte I’ve tried. But I’m open to suggestions!)
Related Read: The Best Chai in Philadelphia
I listen to podcasts on 1.8x speed. It turns out I’m an audio learner. I consistently have at least 10 podcasts in my usual rotation and about 60 episodes in my backlog. Most podcasts I listen to are about friendship and self development.
Related Resource: Chrystina’s Favorite Podcasts
I didn’t grow up with any pets and I do not consider myself an animal person (nor do any of my friends), but my husband’s two cats have stolen my heart and are now some of my favorite photo subjects.
I use a lot of punctuation and I try to use it properly. Even in text messages. “Ha.” is a complete sentence and is not meant in a mean way. It has taken my teams some time to get used to this, but I usually try to lead with it upfront at this point.
I have a vision of a facilitating a large icebreaker activity where I have everybody in attendance line up by height - or in alphabetical order. Something super simple that requires a lot of interaction between attendees. I wasn’t able to make this happy during my wedding, but maybe my next birthday party?

My Community Building Story

I’ve always loved to bring people together. The earliest recollection I have of this experience was my attempt at hosting a party in first grade for which I made invitations and delivered them on the bus unbeknownst to my parents. When the first parent called to RSVP, my mother was very confused. Unfortunately, that party had the kibosh put on it, but there are dozens of other successful parties I hosted after that point.

The most noteworthy of those parties were:

The first slumber party I ever had in 6th grade where everyone showed up 20 minutes late (the worst), but everyone had a fabulous time in the end.
Related Read: The First Party I Ever Hosted
The annual choir Christmas party in high school that went on for +15 years.
The party I hosted with my middle school and high school friends (two different schools) where a band played at my best friend’s house because my parents wouldn’t let me host it. The band got rained on. A friend got into a car accident on the way home (no, no one was drinking). It was a lot. But the sight of seeing everybody together - and the band using blow dryers to dry their instruments - was unforgettable.

The next part is a bit of a mystery to explain. I learned that I love introducing people to each other and watching them become friends. I find it incredible when worlds collide, and it brings me a sense of joy in my core.

That’s why I decided to apply to be a resident assistant (RA) in college. I hosted 1-2 events per week for the 9 quarters I was an RA. I led the Residence Hall Association to build community between the dorms. And still managed to host a bunch of my own parties in the meantime: murder mystery parties, choir parties, Christmas in July parties, pole dancing parties, birthday parties, and more.

This love of community building has followed me into my adult years. From 2014-2018 I founded and led a blogger network in Philadelphia called PHLbloggers, which at its peak had 400 members. I masterminded and orchestrated (with the support and creative direction of an excellent team) four conferences, and created a space for bloggers to learn and network together.

I’m still hosting parties: dinner parties, more murder mystery parties, great british bake-off themed parties, chocolate tastings, and I’ve even recently tried to rebrand workshops as parties. It has become common knowledge that you might not know anybody else in attendance at the party, but you will always be accepted into a safe space and be given an opportunity to grow.

At the office, I have planned dozens of inclusion-related events, am a go-to happy hour facilitator, and I will use any opportunity to start or end a meeting with an icebreaker question. I take the time to have phone calls with all new employees who come into my network, facilitate new hire trainings, make myself available to answer any questions, and always try to offer up my network to help someone else succeed. The more people I can interact with over the course of the day, the better.

To read more about my thoughts on what it takes to build great community, check out the Build Your Community page.