Corny Choir Jokes, My Favorite Kind
While I was in Louisiana last week I had the joy of joining the Baton Rouge Chorus for retreat – which was wonderful. Goodness, I miss those ladies. (Click here for the post where I talk about how awesome they all are.) We had a great weekend with incredible food, a coach with an energy that is infectious – Sandi Wright, and got a lot of singing and choreography done in preparation for our competition in Houston in March (which I’m going to get to sing in!!). We arrived Friday night and sang, Saturday we woke up early and sang all day, and Saturday night we had a little bit of fun. The Baton Rouge Chorus put on their own version of the Gong Show. If you’re near my age, you probably have no idea what that is.
The Gong Show is an amateur talent contest franchised by Sony Pictures Television to many countries. It was broadcast on NBC’s daytime schedule from June 14, 1976 through July 21, 1978, and in first-run syndication from 1976 to 1980 and 1988 to 1989. The show was produced by Chuck Barris, who also served as host for the NBC run and from 1977 to 1980 in syndication. The show is best remembered for its absurdist humor and style, often awarding participants ridiculous prizes. (taken from Wikipedia)
Everybody was assigned an act for the show. I got an email from Emily – and here is how that chain of emails went:
– – – – – – – – – –
Emily: Would you consider being our “Unknown Comic” at the Gong Show?
Chrystina: Unknown comic… what does that entail?
Emily: Here’s some clips of the Unknown Comic when he appeared on The Gong Show:
Chrystina: I don’t think I have the nerve :/
Emily: Have you seen our group? What in the world would you need nerves for?! Donna Bari actually suggested you for the part and I wholeheartedly agreed.
Chrystina: Donna Bari, huh? This sounds like a challenge. Dangit. Alright, I’ve got this. Unknown Comic it is.
Emily: That’s the spirit! What happens at retreat stays at retreat (unless it’s on Facebook).
– – – – – – – – – –
Facebook or this blog apparently. So, I stressed out about this for weeks. What do I know about comedy? Absolutely nothing. That’s what friends are for, right? My friend Tory – the one who writes this blog and helped me with all of the 90’s sitcom Valentines – was the exact right fit for this. I sent her a Facebook message with a video clip, and later on I got an invite to a Google Doc for her where she had started brainstorming. All I told her was that I wanted the jokes to be music/choir related. Then I continued to throw out key words while she brainstormed a little bit more. Here’s what she came up with:
What do choruses pay in?
har-money
What do pirate choirs specialize in?
ARRRRmoney
What does Pavarotti give his wife when she’s sick?
Tenor loving care
What do you get when you castrate an Italian mob boss?
A soprano Soprano
What does a law-breaking singer have to endure?
Trial by choir
What’s Barry Manilow’s favorite animal?
A bass
Why did the violin go on a diet?
To get fit as a fiddle
What did the overly enthusiastic choir director send his wife for Valentine’s Day?
A choral arrangement
What did the excited business manager tell his employees when he found out the checkout lines were all too long?
Sweet, add a line.
What’s the musical theory of opposites being interconnected?
Sing sang
Why did the farmer store all of the root vegetables?
Because he liked to keep the beet
Why were the singers locked out of their rehearsal room?
They missed the key change
John worked in a CD factory. His specialty was vocal production.
Neither of the female singers wanted to give up a lead role in the choir, so they decided to alto-nate.
How will the mommy note give birth to a baby note?
She will bear-a-tone <Note, this is the only joke I wrote out of the bunch.>
